Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Christmas stocking delights

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa... Okay, that's my version of the traditional Santa Claus "ho ho ho" belly laugh, which offends people nowadays, I hear. Anyway, just know that I had a big laugh or two with the virtual Christmas gifts I thought up for my blog buddies. This is just the first installment, okay? There are so many of you, I couldn't cram everything in one post. So, here ya go, your cybergifts for the ho-ho-holidays from Elf Lizza.

H. My Indian soul sis is absolutely crazy over the color pink. A fantastic writer whose way with words make me hiss in envy. I hope this pink laptop will help her post more often.

Ian. He'll need a good pen for his book signing sessions. (His novel, The Milkman was published this year). He deserves more than just a $265,000 diamond-encrusted pen, but it was all I could come up with for now.

Daddy Papersurfer. I know he'd really rather receive a yacht, but a canoe will do his arms good. Is there one that exercises the legs, especially his calves? He needs it! Moo. Something with adamantium oars would be suitable.

Penfold. A customized surfboard for the supersurfer. But instead of Google, it would have Papersurfer embossed on it, or maybe something more risqué. It should be as shiny as possible, to deflect the glow from his shiny ass. And because he's such a good pal, I'm also giving him a bottle of brandy - to be served by an appropriately-dressed female (see sample in next gift).

Nunu's mum. She's opening a restobar in idyllic Boracay, one of the most famous tourist spots here in the Philippines. These microscopic pieces of cloth will help her celebrate the transition from freezing UK weather back to our warm climes. Welcome home again soon, and see you soon! (Click here for her gift, I'm not posting a pic here! This blog is supposed to be wholesome.)

Nursemyra. A woman with a heart of gold deserves gold fun stuff too. It's not just a toy, it's a veritable objet d'art. No, it isn't a fancy computer mouse. According to the Yva device website, this 18K gold-plated vibrating nugget is "luxurious and evocative against the naked skin, and offers exciting prospects for users inclined to the sensual utilisation of hot or cold." Oooooo!

I'll see what's in my Christmas sack...errrrrr, stocking, for the rest of you guys. In the meantime, don't forget to eat your citrus. Wouldn't want you having a cold during the holidays. Ho ho ho!


penfold said...

Thankyou my darlin'. Oh and thanks for drawing attention to my shiny arse again...
You'll have to wait patiently for your gift - maybe when I come and visit... xxx

RED MOJO said...

Wow, cybergifts. What a great idea. You rock! You're doing a great job. I think you could've found a smaller bathing suit though. WTF?

Ian Thomas Healy said...

Wow, thanks Lizza! Nobody's ever spent $265,000 on me for xmas before!

As soon as said pen arrives, I'll write you a real thank-you letter and mail it to you. :)


Turnbaby said...

Sugar--every time you post it's a gift to me. Thank you. Smooch

kyels said...

Those are indeed beautiful imagery presents. Haha!


Travis said...

"Don't forget to eat your citrus."

Look at you with the good holiday advice!

Happy Ho ho ho!

Mimi Lenox said...

You've been royally tagged by The Queen of Memes. Answer it or go to the dingy dungeon with the rest of the meme dodgers. Just sayin..(bwwwaahhaaaahhhhhaaaaaaa.........)

Best Friends and Walnuts

That'll teach ya to leave the blogosphere!

H said...

Aw shite Liz, you're not going to believe this, but you actually had me all teared up with this gift.

Well I'd love to call you and say hello [give me your number on email please]. To say thank you for always being the one to say the right thing in response to my posts, for always knowing just *exactly* what I meant by noticing those secret little special words that made all the difference to my head - and always, for being this big warm safety net for any little cuts and bruises that might graze through and have me moping at the bottom of the barrel.

I truly do love you.

[That pink laptop... look at the drivel it elicits from me. pink-obsessed bastard that I am.]

nursemyra said...

Lizza you're back! baby we have missed you SOOOOO much

and isn't that the perfect pressie for nursemyra?

thanks sweetheart xxx

Christy said...

Very funny post. And I clicked the not so wholesome link. Do people actually wear things like that!? I'm embarassed for them! Really, I'm turning red.

Witness Street said...

Oh goodness, this is SO creative. Can this be a meme? Can this be a meme? Can this be a meme? I'll do one anyway. Without your permission. :P

Lizza said...

Penfold: You're welcome. You're a ray of sunshine that should be shared with everybody else. ;-)

Red Mojo: She wouldn't like a smaller bathing suit, she's a bit conservative. :-D

Ian: Oooo, a letter from you. I can't wait! I should ship that pen to you ASAP.

Turnbaby: You are so sweet, did I ever tell you that? Well, I'm telling you now.

Kyels: So much fun picking them out. You should try it too!

Travis: Can't forget the vitamin C. Happy ho ho ho to you too.

Mimi: The Queen has spoken. I'll do my best to stay out of the dungeon.

H: Let me give you a big hug. There's this connection between us; I'm not questioning it, just so glad it's there. Love you lots too, dear sis. Will email you.

Nursemyra: Thank you, my dear. You deserve no less. Glad you liked it!

Christy: They might as well go naked, that suit doesn't cover anything at all. If makes them happy, then kudos to them. Hee hee.

Migs: Go ahead! I'd love to see what you come up with for your blog buddies.

Bond said...

The hell with the PC crowd HO HO HO TO YOU,

Cool gifts

and "Don't forget to eat your citrus." thank you for caring

Kiyotoe said...

OOOHHH, can i get a Playstation 3??!!


Lizza said...

Bond: Indeed, I care. So don't forget to drink up! Btw, doesn't matter if your citrus has some alcohol in it.

Kiyotoe: I want one too!!!! Hmmm, I think I have a gift for you that's almost as good.

Matt-Man said...

Don't bother spending the cash on Nursemyra, I'll just ship myself to her and tell her it was from you. Cheers Lizza!!

Debo Blue said...

Hey, uh Lizza. Think I can get one of those things you gave H?

I have a friend who might like it.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

I could use a virtual house, new car and girlfriend. Now while I may be on your list, I think you should check it again. Just thinking out loud here...

Hope the season is magical!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

A canoe? - to take me to Panama I guess. Can't I have Nunu's mum? [ just after she's opened her present].
Having a lie down now ...... feeling a little faint.

Lizza said...

Matt: Is your heart up to it? Nursemyra can be quite feisty.

Debo Blue: You have a pink-loving friend too? Cool!

Bud: A new house and a new car. Hmmm. I want those too! Can't help with a new GF though.

DaddyP: That'll teach you to look at bits and pieces of cloth.

Daddy Papersurfer said...

It wasn't my fault!!! ...... you made me do it ....

Lizza said...

Blame it on the blogger, yeah right!

houseband00 said...

Where's my gift? =)