Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas meme - not really

This meme courtesy of Mimi Lenox. She of the Peace Globes movement fame. She who is also the Queen of Memes. Threatened with incarceration in the Bloggingham Dungeon if I didn't do this meme, I thought it would be in my best interest to comply. Well, not really. Nobody can force me to do something I don't want to do. It's just like I like doing most memes.

Be warned: this is a LOOOOOONG one. So get a cup of coffee or a beer or whatever else it'll take to get you through this lengthy meme.

1. If a doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
I'd probably break wind laughing.

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
First, we need to define what a friend is. Acquaintances and buddies number in the legions. Friends are just a handful. And yes, I trust them. They've proven they're true friends countless times. I hope I'm as good a friend to them as they are to me.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Does a bear shit in the woods? Does Imelda Marcos collect shoes? Does Final Fantasy X kick ass? Does the Earth rotate on its axis? Do I love beer? Does the... never mind. You get the idea.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Somehow, I do. I'm not saying I think we deserve everything that happens to each and every one of us. But we learn something from everything, both the good and the bad. And those things can make us better people, if we're the types who go for self-improvement.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
I believe a US dollar is equivalent to about 42 Philippine pesos at the moment. I think I have that much at least in coins.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
First, we need to define what a doctor is. Oh hell. They'd all make great quack doctors. They would give Rasputin a good run for his money.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Nope. Well, a teeny tiny bit. I'm chickenshit that way.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Yep. And chewing on gum doesn't relieve the popping.

10. What's your most favorite scar?
Hmmm. There's this scar on the upper part of my left cheek, just below my eye, where a dog bit me when I was just two years old. That's my earliest memory, by the way. Being bitten by a dog. Second earliest memory: being spoonfed by my mother in the hospital while I had an IV in my arm. I was a chubby little thing then; maybe that's why the dog wanted to bite me. Still am.

I also have teeny weeny scars on my belly from a laparoscopic surgery that took out my gallbladder. TMI?

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
April this year. En route to lovely little places called Guimaras and Boracay in the Southern Philippines. Paradises found.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
"Buti naman nakatulog ka!" Which translates roughly to "It's a good thing you were able to sleep!" Sent to my best gay buddy who's been having an active social life lately.

14. Fill in the blank. I love it when ________ pops over.
First, where the hell did Question #13 go? To answer the question, which I will amend slightly, I'm sure 7-11 loves it when I pop over.

17. How many kids do you want to have?
I have absolutely no idea. But I already have three.

18. Would you make a good parent?
I've been a parent since I was 22 (now I'm 36). I know I could do better but overall I hope I'm not doing too bad a job.

19. On your My space, where was your default picture taken?
I think I had this profile pic on MySpace too. In front of my computer. I don't have a MySpace account anymore though. But I do have a Facebook account.

20. What's your middle name?
First, let's define what a middle name is. In the Philippines, a person's middle name would be his or her mother's maiden name. In the US, I know it's something like the second part of one's given name(s). In that aspect, my middle name is Melizza. Hence, my nickname.

21. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
A smile. And a banana. I'm healthy that way.

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I wish my first "gardener" could've, ummmm, worked on my flower garden in a different way.

23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
My cousin was the maid of honor at my wedding.

24. What are you wearing right now?
A smile. Hahahaaa. In addition to shorts and a shirt.

25. Righty or Lefty?

26. Best place to eat?
Best place to eat what? No comment. Tee hee.

27. Favorite jeans?
Levi's. Classic, man.

28. Favorite animal?
Large felines. I go into orgasmic throes whenever I get to see one at the zoo. I actually got to stroke a baby tiger's paw once or twice. I'd love to keep one, but it would eat me out of house and home. White tigers hold me in thrall. Beautiful, beautiful creatures.

29. Favorite juice?
Mango. Though I like pineapple-orange too.

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yep. No scars from that episode.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
I used to have it all the time in my childhood and my teens. Not anymore, though.

32. Ever had a bar fight?
Nope. I believe in the concept of "make love, not bar fights." Besides, I'm too chickenshit to get involved in one.

33. Who knows you the best?
Marnie and Rudy. AKA Thing 1 and Thing 2.

34. Shoe size?
Too big.

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Either/or. When I'm not wearing my contacts, I'm wearing my glasses.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Nope. He's an adorable doggy who has a vocabulary of 2200 words. Of course, all of them are variations of "growl" and "yawn."

37. Been to Mexico?
Nope. But I'm a big Jose Cuervo tequila fan. Does that count?

38. Did you buy something today?
Uh, yeah.

39. Did you get sick today?

40. Do you miss someone today?
I missed dinner. But I'll make up for that in a few.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Nope. I'm a docile little thing.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
It's been too damn long.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Lots of entities feel free to call my bed home. Those entities would be any one of my kids, or all of them altogether.

44. Last person to see you cry?
Marnie. She's someone I can be totally emotionally naked with. Emotionally being the operative word here. Because if she ever had the misfortune to see me naked, she's the one who would be shedding disgusted tears.

45. Who made you cry?
Movies make me cry. TV commercials make me cry. 7-11 not having beer in stock when I want one makes me cry. My kids hugging me tight and whispering they love me never fail to bring on the waterworks.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
Amazing Race Asia!!! The local boys, Marc & Rovilson, are doing just fine so far. (Bringing out my pompoms) Yay for Marc & Rovilson!

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
Playing it by ear. Or by hand. Or whatever else I can play along with.

48. Who do you think will play along?
Dunno. I'm not passing this meme to anybody in particular. Anybody who plays along, get to it! Just let me know so I can read it and link to it.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Marnie, Rudy, Rhea, Irene, Jean. The girlfriends. Although technically, one of them isn't really a girl. Though he's a girlfriend, he doesn't want the plumbing that comes along with the female anatomy.

50. If your "significant other" asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
First, let's define... Oh, screw it.

And now I leave you with some words of wisdom in the form of poetry, from the inimitable Zoe, who writes My Boyfriend Is a Twat. She didn't write them herself, though. Her friend Margot did. Still, these are words to live by.


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.

I was given to think that men also like women with big ears and no front teeth. Oh, well. It was probably some twat who told me that.


Bond said...

That is a heck of a lot of questions there....

you forgot "Is the Pope Catholic?" heheheeh


Photo Cache said...

I have read a different version of that poem at the end of this post, equally wacky.

Did we not do this in grade school and we called it signing the slum (or slam?) book? Sayang, I should have saved mine. I bet you signed quite a few of these books back then.

Happy Christmas, if I dont get to visit later (which I seriously doubt).

Janna said...

I love the poems!
Hilarious, and so true...
The Jannaverse

Ian Thomas Healy said...


I shoulda been a GARDENER...


Turnbaby said...

LMAO @ Ian

I think I am stealing this one sugar.

Mimi Lenox said...

Go ahead Turn, steal it. I stole it from a liquor salesman in Connecticut. He stole it from Britt and she stole it from Dawn and he doesn't know where Dawn got it. It's OK. I love this meme!

Lizza - You are one clever little thing. "Does a bear shit in the woods" (ha)...."docile"....multi-faceted you are. Thanks for playing along. And the poems are hysterical. Yep. I'd like to find a prince who can be a "very best friend"...Do ya know any?

kyels said...

Wow, that's long!


MsFreud said...

I LOVE #1- If the doctor told me I am pregnant, my reaction would be... HOLY SHIT! I am gonna be SO rich! (I had a hysterectomy last year) BWAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Daddy Papersurfer said...

My scrolling finger now needs serious attention.

'deaf-mute nymphomaniac' - I don't think so. How's she going to tell me how wonderful I am for a start?

H said...

ooo. I like that: "Make love not bar fights."

Something tells me our shoe-sizes are the same. ;-)

And I don't for a moment believe you're a docile little thing. Tolerant, yes. Docile, no.

nursemyra said...

re question #6.

am I not your friend lizza? and don't you think I'd make the best doctor in the world?

Travis said...

I'd make a lousy real doc. But I do usually win when we play doctor!


RED MOJO said...

It was fun reading your answers to all of these questions. I feel like I know you a little better now. Great poems.

CS said...

Wow, that's a botaload of questions. I was thrown into a vicarious panic at teh idea of my doctor telling me I was pregnant!

Cinn-fully Delicious said...

Wow you weren't kidding when you said that was a long one.

And Jose Cuervo is all you need to feel like you're in Mexico. ;)

Bond said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours Lizza! SMOOCH

Lizza said...

Bond: I missed the voting. Sorry! Will try to do better next time. Merry Christmas to you and yours too!

Photo: Slum/slam books, oh how well do I remember them. Classic questions they had too. Like: (a) Define love, and (b) Where did you met? Hahaaaaa....

Janna: They sure are. Glad to see you here again. Is that a banana you're cradling to your face? I like bananas. Full of potassiumy goodness.

Ian: OK, you just made me laugh! Like you usually do.

Turnbaby: Had fun reading yours! Thanks for playing, sugar.

Mimi Princes who'll be true friends are in short supply nowadays it seems. Will let you know as soon as I come across one.

Kyels: Yes, indeed. Fun, though.

MsFreud: I hope the doctor who says that to you wasn't the one who did your hysterectomy.

DaddyP: Two words: body language.

H: Mgoodness. You have trouble finding good shoes in your size too?

Docile, I yam, I yam. Maybe. ;-)

Nursemyra: Yes, you are, sweetcakes. And you'd prolly make a good doctor. Just don't sticky funny things into any of my orifices if I come over for a consultation.

Travis: Ooooooo, Dr. Trav! Now that sounds very interesting!

Red Mojo: Thanks. I should warn you though, sometimes my answers to memes need filtering. Just know when to separate the chaff from whatever it is chaff should be separated from. OK, that ended in a preposition, and I don't give a hoot. :-)

CS: A baby CS, if ever! That sounds terribly cute.

Cinn-fully delicious: First off, welcome! Second, love your name. Why is it that most everything that is sinful is so deelish? Third, I'm so glad to know I'm experiencing a bit of Mexico whenever I drink tequila.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

THis is a great meme. I am so glad a teacher in North Carolina stole it from me. Your Woman/Man poem at the end is hysterical! Merry Merry!