Have you ever wanted someone or something so badly that it fills your every waking thought -- even your dreams sometimes -- and that every song you hear, every movie you see, virtually everything that crosses your line of sight becomes connected to that desire, no matter how farfetched? And that this desire that occupies every fiber of your being with such intensity is almost always bad for you, physically and/or mentally? (And I'm not talking about beer, smartass. So stop laughing already.)
It's like the game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Only most of the time, the connection is as close as two or three degrees. For instance: my night light-->dark-->dark and bitter Belgian chocolate.
See, I'm a pathetic basket case.
Chocolate is lovely. The Aztecs and the Mayas, I'm grateful to 'em, God bless 'em. But if I as much as even look at a bar of chocolate, I gain ten pounds. And I have absolutely no self-control when it comes to chocolate, especially the dark kind. Snap off a few squares to nibble on and put the rest away for later? Fat chance. Before you can say "Holy Guy Lian, Batman!" the whole bar is in my tummy already. And we're talking about a chocolate bar that's practically as big as a ping pong table. And if it's Guy Lian, it's usually a box of seashell-shaped lovely chocolate that's as good to look at as it is to eat. Gobble, gobble.
But these burning needs that we feel sometimes for something or for someone, which we know are NOT good for us, which we know will only result in heartbreak or self-destruction, how do you deal with those? Will the few moments of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower, be worth the seemingly interminable hours of guilt and self-recrimination that are sure to come after?
Self-discipline is the key. So are the ability and willpower to say "NO!" and the strength in your arms to push that Bad Thing or Feeling away. Humans are a higher species of animal who can reason, who can tell wrong from right. Right?
Because it won't do to dream of caramel and to think of cinnamon.
I want. I think I even need. But I can do this. I am Woman! Hear me roar! (Okay, I don't really roar. But you get the idea. And belated apologies to Helen Reddy.)