Manic Monday #23: Deal

Visit Manic Monday maestro Morgen at It's a Blog Eat Blog World for other bloggers' takes on this week's Manic Monday word: DEAL.

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Haggling is a way of life for many consumers and retailers here in the Philippines. I guess the only places where haggling isn't done are in the big malls and convenience stores, though I've heard one can get away with it sometimes. Whatever it is you're buying in the street bazaars and wet markets, from fresh fish, meat and vegetables to sunglasses to clothing to electronic appliances, if you want to pay as little as possible get the most of your money and get a good deal, then you should be prepared to do some serious bargaining. You're a wuss if you don't even try.

Ladies and gentlemen, you're reading the blog of a wuss.

For the life of me I just can't seem to do it that well. Any attempt I make at haggling is just so pathetic, and the salespeople know that the woman in front of them is not a haggler in any sense of the word so I end up paying the product's stated price.

I didn't inherit my mother's talent in this department. I remember when I was a kid and we'd go somewhere to buy something. My brothers would go with my dad for a snack, leaving me and my sister to accompany our Mother in her bargain-hunting spree.

Act I
Scene: Late 1970s. Stall displaying some lovely local home decor craft: batik cloth lampshades, piña placemats, hand-painted capiz trays. Mother's nostriles flare like a bloodhound's as she zooms in on a set of placemats.

Mother: Ano'ng last price nito? (What's the last price for this?)

[Apparently the sign that says 200 pesos isn't really the final price. Oh, the things a little girl doesn't know!]

Salesgirl: Last price na po 'yan ma'am (That's the last price, ma'am.)

Mother: [left eyebrow rising to the stratosphere] The stall a few doors down sells theirs for 175 pesos, and their set has eight placemats. Eight! Yours has just six! Six!!!!! [voice rising ever so slightly in indignation near the end.]

My mom has this knack for looking like an offended duchess when the situation calls for it. She does it through subtle body language, like tilting her head just so or closing her fan with a snap or pursing her lips in a certain way or raising her shoulders for a millisecond. It's an awesome sight.

Salesgirl extols the merits of their placemats, Mother gives her rebuttals and mentions the price she thinks the set is worth. My gaze swings back and forth. I'm lost in admiration and awe. Would that wars were won this way! My mother then gives a barely perceptible sniff and tells me and my sister that we're going. We start to walk out.

Salesgirl: [calling after us] Sige na nga po, ma'am. Buena mano ko po kayo. (Okay, ma'am. You're my first sale today.)

She wraps the damned placemats and gives them to my mother. Both parties are happy, though both give the impression they're pissed.

ACT II

Scene: Sometime in the early 2000's. Tiyangge (flea market). Lizza is walking around until something catches her eye. What's this? A miniature flashlight that doubles (quadruples?) as a bookmark, barometer, and chainsaw! [This product exists, I swear! Or something like it anyway.] She can barely contain her excitement, never mind that she doesn't need one of these thingamajigs.

Lizza: Last price, please? [determinedly ignoring the life-size sign proclaiming it's priced at 200 pesos. That's about US$4, for you non-peso-savvy people out there.]

Salesgirl: That's the last price.

Lizza: That's a bit expensive for something so small. [weak attempt at deprecation]

Salesgirl: No, it's cheap for something that can do so many things! [and proceeds to give a demonstration of all the things that the flashlight-bookmark-barometer-chainsaw can do. Awesome!]

Lizza: Ooooohhh, aaaaahhhh!

Salesgirl: [gives the clincher] This comes straight from Bangkok! And we're nearly out of stock!!! We won't get any new ones for at least three weeks!!!!!

Lizza: [all but shoves her P200 bill down the salesgirl's throat; so panicked is she at the thought of not being one of the suckers privileged few to own a flashlight-bookmark-barometer-chainsaw in the here and now]

Salesgirl: [pocketing Lizza's beer money and handing her her new acquisition, then waves her hand languidly at another display stand in her stall] Take a look at this new product. It's from China!!! Just rub a small amount every night, and your nipples will turn pink in no time!!!!

Lizza: [smiles sweetly, but thinks, "I'm not a fair-skinned Filipina. I'm the brown kind! I'd look freaking ridiculous with pink nipples!"]

P.S. (That product does exist, I pinkie [haha] swear. Next time I go to that market, I'll take a picture to show you doubting Thomases. A picture of the product [from China!!!], okay? Not my nipples. Let's make that clear.)