Monday, June 18, 2007

Manic Monday #17: Heat

Today's Manic Monday theme is heat. Visit Morgen over at It's a Blog Eat Blog World to see links to other bloggers' take on the theme word.


Anger as soon as fed is dead -
'Tis starving makes it fat.

-Emily Dickinson

I can never understand the refusal of some people to let themselves get angry. Or their seeming refusal to give in to anger. But perhaps I'm being unfair. Perhaps they have their own way of coping with anger, a method they don't show to just anyone.

Me, I usually keep my rage under wraps. That isn't to say I repress it; those who know me well can tell when I'm feeling out of sorts, and they usually know when to leave me alone and when to cajole me out of it.

I don't like being part of scenes, and I certainly don't like making scenes. I'm not the type to raise my voice at my kids in public; I don't shout at service personnel when service isn't up to par; I don't engage in screaming matches with people whose opinions differ so disagreeably from mine.

And I don't like getting angry in front of other people because when I get angry, I cry. And I'm butt-ugly when I cry.

[Where did that expression, butt ugly, come from? Butts aren't ugly, are they?]

No, when I get really angry, I go into a room inside my mind. I close the door, bolt it shut, and throw a tantrum that's as wild as it can get. I rail against life's injustices (real or imagined), beat my fists against the walls until they're all raw and bloody, and scream myself hoarse. Then I do it again. And again. Sometimes a few minutes is all it takes, other times it takes hours -- doesn't really matter because time stands still when I'm in that room.

I simmer, rant, and rave until the anger builds to a peak, becomes a searing white-hot flame that engulfs me, all the furniture thrown helter skelter, the bloodied walls of that room in my mind. Until everything is consumed in the heat -- even anger itself. In the resulting quiet, reason rears its head and is then able to start working to deal with what caused the anger in the first place.

Fire, destructive as it is, can also lead the way to renewal and regeneration. There's a reason why conservationists burn parts of savannas every so often. Fire encourages biodiversity. Venting anger in certain ways leads to healing. Just don't go hurting anyone deliberately -- physically, verbally, or psychologically -- because you'll really look butt-ugly if you do.


Odat said...

very nice description...if anger can be called nice....but so true...we have to burn it away before we can deal with what caused it to begin with.

Morgen said...

Cool, er I mean HOT, description!
Remind me to stay on your good side!

tegdirb92 said...

I loved that movie, Firestarter. Hard to believe that was Drew barrymore. Have a great Monday.

Daddy Papersurfer said...

As you probably realise I use absurdity to deflate my irritation at the world not behaving itself [to my eyes that is]. This works most of the time, but very occasionally it doesn't. I'm told the result is not very pretty but, for my advanced years my bottom, remains rather gorgeous.

Jamie said...

Goodness, I hope you hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign on that mental door before entering. What a perfect description of rage.

Scott from Oregon said...

I'm gonna wager that 60% of all butts are prety gosh dern ugly.

Thank god for Jennifer Lopez and the like to hold down the balance...

Lizza said...

Odat: Yes, spend the emotion, not keep it pent up.

Mo: Oh, it's easy! Just don't mispronounce my name. ;-)

Tegdirb92: She was so cute then. Loved her in ET. Have a great week!

DaddyP: I will take your word for it (I think). What say you, Penfold, KitchenP, Tiggz...even Nursie (even though she's on hiatus)? Is DaddyP being truthful?

Jamie: Sign unnecessary. The vibes are enough to keep anyone away. :-)

Scott: 60%? That's terrible. But you're right, thank heavens for the blessed few who have kickass butts.

Wendz said...

I also cry when I get angry - so I also hold it down until I am alone. Then I go as wild as you seem to do and boy do I howl as well. Afterwards, I feel heaps better and calmer.

One of the therapists I took Nathan to a few years ago, encourage him to express all his anger in a very good way.

I'd hold up 4 or 5 large sheets of newspaper, really tightly, then he'd punch them until he made a hole. It was a great, but harmless, physical way to let it out.

Burton said...

I'm not one for public displays of anger either. But you're right, holding it in isn't the best thing to do. So I try to vent it through writing or really bad poetry.

Or it oozes out. I'm more a slow burn type than the flash of anger guy. Like you, people know when I'm torqued and space is freely given. :)

PS. And now I have to research the origin of "butt ugly" as a phrase.

houseband00 said...

So that's what the padded room's for.

Hehe. Kidding. =)

There has to be anger because along with anger comes passion.

H said...

A very respectable and saintly man once admitted that anger is something that assaults every mind, even his. It is how you cope with it that really marks out how evolved you are.

From the look of it, sis, you seem to be doing pretty pretttty well.

yes, raw bloody fists and tears of rage... seems like home to my head.

Travis said...

I agree that it's better to rage in private. I used to have a violent temper - I once broke a chair and threw the pieces through a window.

But as I got older I realized how ridiculous that kind of behavior was. I still get angry - sometimes in public - but I work on not letting the rage get so out of control.

iz said...

Wow Lizza. You're really sticking with this thing. Amazing discipline.

ian said...

We go through fights every year out here to allow some controlled burns of our mountain forests. The argument against is that it's dangerous, bad for the animals and plants, and negatively impacts tourism.

But if you don't have them, one lightning strike or careless cigarette can give you something like the Hayman fire a few years ago.


it's the little things... said...

I cry when I'm angry too, which I loathe to do in front of anyone else lest they think I am weak!
I also shake, turn red, and my eyes water.
Yep, an open book.

Natalie said...

When I feel anger coming I always say, "is this worth me getting upset over?" If it is then I get angry, and cry, and yell, and sulk. If not, I just take a deep breath and let it go.

Mimi Lenox said...

Anger is a useful emotion. Controlling it is useless unless it's bound to hurt someone else. I loved your description. I was right there with you in your head "railing against injustices" - Nice work, Lizza.

Mimi Lenox said...

P.S. I like it here. I feel so chocolately.

Kiyotoe said...

i can relate to this. My anger can be hot, hot, hot, hot and burn me up as well as the focus of it's heat. which is why i go to certain lengths to keep it under wraps.

it's scaaaaaaaary.

U scared?

Sanni said...

Excellently written.
Call me "vulcano" =)


~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Haha, I wish I could just get mad in my mind like that.

Lizza said...

Wendz: That's a good way to release stress. Hitting a punching bag is good too.

Burton: Haha! I hope the explanation for the phrase isn't too weird.

HB: Great deeds and great atrocities are done in the heat of passion. ;-)

H: Better a bloody mind than a bloody nose. I thought about you when I was writing this. :-D

Iz: I like doing it. It's just once a week and the theme word helps channel my thoughts, which often fly hither and thither like mosquitoes in a nudist camp.

Ian: That Hayman fire sounds terrible! Sad to think of all the environmental consequences.

Marlayna: I guess it goes both ways: people can tell when you're really happy (your sunny smile says it all) but then it's also obvious when you're ticked off.

Natalie: I wish I had your mental discipline. I feel the anger even before I can get to asking myself whether I should or shouldn't be getting angry over something.

Mimi: Oooh, thank you. No rage here now, just chocolatey luv. :-D

Kiyotoe: Scared? Of you? Nah. You're a creampuff at heart. ;-)

Sanni: What a sexy volcano! Hot, hot! ;-)

Silverneurotic: Oh, now you make me curious about what you're like when you're angry.

Lizza said...

Travis: They say controlling it gets easier as time passes, but I think the level of difficulty depends on the cause. Sometimes it's just so hard to not let it get the better of you.

Matt-Man said...

mmmmmmmm Drew. mmmmmmmmm

Lizza said...

Matt!!! She was just a kid in this pic! :-D