Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fading Away

Her convictions are intact, her resolve as steely as those of the abs of the man from Krypton. Or so she keeps telling herself. "No," she thinks. "I most certainly will not. I will not give in. I am woman, hear me roar. I am, I do. I sure as hell AM."

Yet in these thoughts, herself almost despising (line somewhat stolen from a Shakespearean sonnet), haply...she finds herself in the wee hours of the morning striding purposefully to a convenience store that sports a red, white, and green marquee.

And the following dialogue ensues:

Female Sales Clerk: Good morning, ma'am.
Crazy Ass Woman: Morning.
FSC: (looks at the items on the counter) Will that be all?
CAW: Yep.

(FSC counts the brown bottles and rings up CAW's purchases.)

FSC: Pampatulog, ma'am? [to help you sleep, ma'am?]
CAW: (smiles sweetly at the bugger, but makes no response)
FSC: Wala kayo kagabi, medyo nagtaka ako. [You weren't here last night, I kind of wondered about that.]
CAW: (Blinks, blinks again, and smiles. She's clearly no expert when it comes to on-the-spot witty repartee. But she wonders what it says about her life when the convenience store clerk misses her and her purchases. For a couple of nights.)
FSC: (accepts payment and gives change). Salamat. Balik po kayo. [Thank you, please come back.]
CAW: Salamat din. [Thank you, too.]

CAW swings out the door, exhilarated but hating herself at the same time. Her mind is saying, "You pathetic wuss," yet it simultaneously finds exultant expectation in the weight being borne by her right arm and shoulder. Heaven and hell in little brown bottles clinking against each other in a white plastic bag. Where is intelligence, where is talent, just when they are needed most? Perhaps they weren't there at all in the first place?

Maybe everything--or at least the core of her--is just an illusion, and one that doesn't even come close to David Copperfield-esque or David Blaine-esque proportions at that, no matter how much she tries to drown coax it out via the ecstasy of liquid gold.

Ahh, strange and sad how minds can change, how the best-laid plans and intentions can be laid to waste. As beautiful but as impermanent as one's name scrawled in the sand.



20 comments:

Matt-Man said...

My bottles are clear, but the end result is the same. Cheers Lizza!!

Lizza said...

Cheers to clear bottles, Matt! *clink*

Odat said...

You' can't possibly be that Crazy Ass Woman, now can you??? I find that hard to believe, hehe.
Peace

houseband00 said...

Such is life, Liz. Change does happen and always for a reason.

You have to believe that.

Hope you're better. =)

Steven Novak said...

David Blaine-esque porportions? ;)

Steve~

Lizza said...

Odat: It is, and it isn't. ;-)

HB: I'm just dandy. Thanks! :-)

Steve: Did I actually type David Blaine? My subconscious must be all shot to hell. ;-)

Maryanne Moll said...

as long as you don't get a beer belly, let it rip. you are only young once.

Michael C said...

Whenever I post something new to my blog, I feel that the best laid plans and intentions went to waste ;-)

Debo Blue said...

Deep.

"..how the best-laid plans and intentions...as impermanent as one's name scrawled in the sand."

Deep.

PS-thanks for the poem. I posted it on my site.

H said...

hmmm.

blame it on that missing on-the-spot repartee. I miss it sorely too. ever too often.

ANyhoo sis, cheers to newer plans and rescrawling that pretty name in cement. or molten iron.

Wendz said...

Red wine Lizza....the best sleeping remedy under the sun..lovely jubbly red wine. Beer makes me burp. Good on a sunny afternoon though. As long as you haven't eaten garlic.

Lizza said...

Maryanne: *gulp*

Alas, your warning comes a little too late. ;-)

Michael: Not so! Well, not to us who get at least a chuckle out of your posts.

Debo Blue: So glad you liked the poem. And thanks. :-)

H: Cement! What a wondrous idea. I will find some wet cement posthaste.

Wendz: But red wine makes me all silly. Oh, wait. On second thought, so does everything else. :-)

Natalia said...

I try to go with changes. I think they happen for a reason. And I love that pic. I am so gonna steal that idea.

-N

it's the little things... said...

Ah, beer! I couldn't figure out what was in the brown bottles!

Turnbaby said...

Mmmmmmm

What a fine little tale.

On a personal note I am with you as to beer--it makes me too bloated though--so i have to drink Mich Ultra--which is basically fizzy water.

Now champagne on the other hand.....

Scott from Oregon said...

Ahhh, you go out for beer late at night, because everyday, you swear you don't have to drink beer everyday. By night, your thinking changes and you find that other Lizza trundling down to the store for a clinky clinky clinky...

Beer is such a subtle monster, both lovable and lamentable.

He sneaks in all cuddly and fun and then stays, one drop at a time, in little deposits around your body...

Just make sure you expell him before you get to TWO FITTY!!

Natalie said...

THat liquid gold wording had me thinking you found individual sized brown bottles of goldschlagger and downed them often. I was getting scared. Beer is all good though.

Lizza said...

Natalia: I do that at most beaches I go to. Steal away! ;-)

Marlayna: Yep, beer! Yummy.

Turnbaby: Champers is good, but it gives me the hiccups sooner. Haha!

Scott: Oh, good Lord. Me at TWO-FITTY??? You just planted a deep, dark image in my mind. Must. Reduce. Beer. Intake.

Natalie: I've never tasted goldschlagger. Thanks for the idea. ;-)

Pinay in Barnsley said...

Hey Crazy Ass woman ~

hahahaha, nagtaka siya ng no-show ka for two nights in a row??? You made it for two nights??? That's an accomplishment in itself gurl!


One thing we will never have is the Kryptonman abs as long as we're swiggin those liquid nectars like there's no tomorrow. Of course unless we're doing 200 sit ups a day either. Bring on the salbabida abs!!!

Psst, sa bora ba yung buhangin?

Lizza said...

NMMMMM!: Na-miss kita ah.

Well, you seem to have a belly to kill for, kahit na tomador ka. Hayup ka. 200 sit-ups a day? Patayin mo na lang kaya ako. Haha!

Pssst. Sa Mui Ne, Vietnam ang buhangin na yan. Pero balita ko di hamak mas maganda daw ang buhangin sa Bora. Di ko pa kasi nararating ang Bora eh; baka tingnan ko with you at tropa mo, hopefully? ;-)