Yet in these thoughts, herself almost despising (line somewhat stolen from a Shakespearean sonnet), haply...she finds herself in the wee hours of the morning striding purposefully to a convenience store that sports a red, white, and green marquee.
And the following dialogue ensues:
Female Sales Clerk: Good morning, ma'am.
Crazy Ass Woman: Morning.
FSC: (looks at the items on the counter) Will that be all?
(FSC counts the brown bottles and rings up CAW's purchases.)
FSC: Pampatulog, ma'am? [to help you sleep, ma'am?]
CAW: (smiles sweetly at the bugger, but makes no response)
FSC: Wala kayo kagabi, medyo nagtaka ako. [You weren't here last night, I kind of wondered about that.]
CAW: (Blinks, blinks again, and smiles. She's clearly no expert when it comes to on-the-spot witty repartee. But she wonders what it says about her life when the convenience store clerk misses her and her purchases. For a couple of nights.)
FSC: (accepts payment and gives change). Salamat. Balik po kayo. [Thank you, please come back.]
CAW: Salamat din. [Thank you, too.]
CAW swings out the door, exhilarated but hating herself at the same time. Her mind is saying, "You pathetic wuss," yet it simultaneously finds exultant expectation in the weight being borne by her right arm and shoulder. Heaven and hell in little brown bottles clinking against each other in a white plastic bag. Where is intelligence, where is talent, just when they are needed most? Perhaps they weren't there at all in the first place?
Maybe everything--or at least the core of her--is just an illusion, and one that doesn't even come close to David Copperfield-esque or David Blaine-esque proportions at that, no matter how much she tries to
Ahh, strange and sad how minds can change, how the best-laid plans and intentions can be laid to waste. As beautiful but as impermanent as one's name scrawled in the sand.