Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Falling & missing, part II

Falling off a bike as you're learning to ride it (because the person who was helping you decided to let go), getting all bloody in the process, and getting up (after you've had a good cry) are like bits of life in general. (If you're all confused about the point I'm making, read the post below, haha!)

You learn something--sometimes with the help of another person--then you're left alone; you screw up; you recover and do a good job even with that other person in absentia.

The shoe can fit the other foot, of course. Sometimes you're the one who decides to let go, cut the other person some slack, let him or her discover the joy of flying alone, of living, without you having to worry about every possible bruise and scrape; knowing and having every confidence that he or she will be fine, notwithstanding the bloody knees and elbows. You do it because you love them with every beat of your heart; you are ecstatic for them in their pursuit of their joy, their passion, their enjoyment--whether it's dancing to acid jazz or riding a bike.

You sometimes find yourself hoping that the people who matter to you think the same way about you. That they're in full support of your most personal and deepest quest...even if it means that they--or you--recede from the line of sight. That your (or their) eyes drinking in the sight of them (or you) waving bye-bye or fare-thee-well is shocking, however expected it may be. But then, the heart and soul see much farther and further than the eyes ever could, don't they? So the line of sight is never fully severed.

Because no matter how near or far they are, no matter how much you miss them (or you yourself are missed), no matter the words exchanged (or lack thereof), no matter how much you love them (or are in turn loved), the underlying mutual feelings and support hold fast and true. I think this is true also, even though you find yourself falling into a frenzy of (sincere!) well-wishes for that other person's happiness--even as you miss them terribly and feel miserable at stepping aside in order for them achieve their dream.



N.B. The Cure is one of my favorite bands and I simply adore Lovesong. Thanks to my blog friends Natalia, Houseband00, and Deb, who inspired me to remember just how wonderful Robert Smith and company's songs are.

23 comments:

Matt-Man said...

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." --Unknown

You sound as though you are a true friend Lizza, good for you.

Wendz in France said...

Lizza this post touched me so deeply. It's what I have done with my ex-boyf and it was really hard to let him go and fly and devastated me...but I did it because he needed to be set free and I hope he finds his wings.

houseband00 said...

Hi Liz,

Perfectly agree with you on all that you've said. Thing is, it's also nice to know that there'd be someone around to catch you when you fall or, at least, someone to fly along with you.

Sanni said...

I´m in a related situation you described - I sign every single word you wrote...

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."
-- Kahlil Gibran

xoxoxo,

Sanni (THE CURE-lover since being a teenie)

Kiyotoe said...

you trying to make me cry or somethin'?

I gotta go call all my true "friends". See you later.

it's the little things said...

Ahem. Sounds like parenting to me. Great post!

kyels said...

From this post, you've given me an impression that you're a very true and good friend Lizza. My intuition says so.

(:

But through my life, I've learn many things about friendship. It's like a train (we are the train) and it stops at different stations where by people hop in. Those people who hopped in are our friends, and they may be in the train until the very last station or a few more stops, they'd get down. I had this analogy for quite some time. And find that it's true because whenever you meet someone new, they are there to teach you something but they may leave someday too.

(:

thethinker said...

Beautiful post. I hate the falling down and bleeding part of the whole process. Maybe that's why I used trainer's wheels for so long.

Lizza said...

Nah, I'm not such a good friend. But I'm damn lucky to have some great ones! Pardon the emo mood.

Matt: Lovely quote, thanks!

Wendz: Let's hope that he does. You seem to be doing pretty well yourself...except when the blue mood hits. And that happens to all of us. :-)

HB: Yes, that's a very comforting feeling. :-)

Sanni: Thanks, fellow The Cure lover! I hope your situation turns out as well as it possibly can!

Kiyotoe: Boys don't cry. Haha! You wrote quite a nice friendship post sometime ago, I remember. You know what it's all about. :-)

Littlethings: Thanks! Yes, it applies to parenting, too. :-)

Kyels: Good analogy. That's why it's important to savor every moment with them, because sooner or later they'll get off your train--or you'll get off from theirs. :-)

Thinker: Thanks! But I think you learn things quickly and don't fall too much. I wish I had half your wisdom when I was your age. :-)

Aisby said...

I have a hard time letting go. This will be a terrible problem for my children as they get older. I'm already worried about it. I know that if I love them I will allow them to make mistakes, to fall off the bike; but I love them so much I don't ever want to see them hurt.
Your post is excellent, and reminds me of what kind of mother and friend I should be (sometimes it's better to step away and shut your mouth).

H said...

Stepping aside, and saying you're happy for them is... painful. I agree.

Lizza said...

Aisby: Thanks! Shutting up, stepping aside, and letting go--they're so hard to do sometimes.

H: You ARE happy for them, no doubt about that...but miserable for yourself. :-(

iz said...

Nature does not permit a vacuum. Sometimes you just have to let that vacuum happen for something better or destined for to happen.

zeroimpact said...

Some come and some go
Some wish to stay but can't
Some wish to go but can't
Treasure's in the heart is not always seen but is precious, very precious

Lizza said...

Iz: Nature knows best. May she fill that kind of vacuum quickly.

ZI: Can or can't, will or won't; they're confusing sometimes. "What is essential is invisible to the eye." (from The Little Prince)

ShadowFalcon said...

Omg Robert Smith has aged badly but I still LOVE the Cure, in ways I wish I could go back in time and be a little older when they were really big so I could of seen them live.

btw I learnt to ride a bike the day before my 18th birthday, it hurt, it hurt a lot but I got there in the end and it is so worth it.

Sidney said...

It is easier said than done...

Lizza said...

Shadowfalcon: Yes, he has. But he's still wonderful. :-)

Sidney: I agree!

Natalia said...

What you said is soooo true and it hits home so much right now. I think you put it very well and it will resonate with anyone who reads it. Rock on. And there is The Cure!!!

-N

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

i think my parents should read this post and maybe then they'll learn to fully let all of us go.

Lizza said...

Natalia: Thanks! I hope it doesn't bring up too many negative thoughts, though.

Deb: Parental love can be stifling sometimes, but I think that eventually they'll get around to realizing that a glorious bird such as you can't be kept caged and protected forever.

Natalie said...

This is something that so many people should so and it is so hard to do. Sometimes the best way to care for a person is to let them care for themselves. As a naturally nurturing person this is particularly difficult for me.

Lizza said...

Natalie: I did get the idea from reading your blog that you're a very caring person, which is nice. But you're right, there are other ways of caring--which aren't so easy to do.