Friday, November 03, 2006

Dumbing down

Nights like these, they really get to me. If you look at it, there's nothing particularly special about it, really. It's a night like most other nights. I've been working in the wee hours of the morning for about a year now and it's something that I love to do with an intensity. Everything is quiet, I'm typing in near darkness, I'm listening to an eclectic mix of music as I work. I'm truly alone. So what's so special about it? I just don't know. I can't pinpoint to any specific factor.

Every so often I take a break: pop a cold one, savor the unique taste on my tongue and in my throat, taking in the lyrics of the songs I must have listened to a thousand times or more and finding out that there's always a certain way I haven't listened to a certain song yet. It's like it's being broadcast on one frequency and I'm listening to it on another. Listening to new songs. All of them somehow making me think about things like love, angst, futility, fulfillment. Hopelessness, hope. Wanting what's impossible, but helplessly wanting it anyway. Acceptance.

Damn you, HB, for that FF song! :-D

20 comments:

Emma said...

I hate nights like these too much work.

But I get the loneliness too. I miss him.

Matt-Man said...

I can dig it, Lizza...Times like that, alone with yourself, can be the best of times.

Lizza said...

emma: Well, it's kinda like being alone but not feeling lonely. Whoever your "he" is, I hope you get together again soon. :-)

Matt: Yes it is. It was the best of times and the worst of times. Very Dickensian :-D

houseband00 said...

You're welcome, I think. =)

Aisby said...

I love being alone. You're a lucky girl. Just make sure you get out into some sunshine every now and then or dark things will happen in your soul.

mist1 said...

Opening a beer with you. I don't want you to drink alone.

zeroimpact said...

Yes... the songs does make us think a lot
However we still control it...
I guess he does share a lot of good song to us, I like his list very much too
Sometimes it's not that impossible... in another light
Take care

H said...

Hmmm.

Hmmm.

Hmmm.

Can't seem to say it. because all that comes to mind is... hmmmm. I get what you're saying. but i do believe acceptance is possible. sometimes.

Lizza said...

HB: Hahaha! I said that in the spirit of brotherly (sisterly?) love. :-D

aisby: But the dark side is so seductive. Kidding! I do get my share of sunshine. Thank you for your lovely concern.

mist1: Cooool. Cheers!

ZI: Nothing is impossible, they say. Maybe. Maybe not. :-D

H: Sometimes "hmmm" just says it all.

Michael C said...

I also like late night productivity. There's just something about the solitude that gets one in tune with each and every stream of thought!!

Tom Atkins said...

OH do I ever know the feelings. Recently I have moved into a small apartment alone and at night I listen to music alone and all the emotions you write about wash over it. It's deliciously sad and hopeful at the same time.

Tom

Simon said...

Hi,
My name is Simon.
Would you like to exchange link with me?

thanks

ShadowFalcon said...

I love the first hour of the day when I'm alone in the office.

I know what you mean about songs they can mean one thing for so long and then you listen to it at acertain point and everything changes.

Wendz said...

I am into my music and late night writing sessions too, at the moment.

It's a little bubble of me-ness. A wonderful time. I empathise with your post. Music always speaks to me in different ways, depending on my mood, my thoughts, where I am in life.

So..what's the FF song then?

Lizza said...

Michael: Yes, it's great isn't it? Happy weekend!

Tom: A waterfall of emotions brought about my music when you're alone can be such a pleasure or a pain. :-)

simon: I need to go check out your site first. But thanks for asking.

shadowfalcon: When I was still working in the corporate world, I loved that hour too. But it was a rare thing for me to go to the office early. :-)

Wendz: Me-ness...how true! The song is Dumbing Down of Love, by Frou Frou. Hope you don't get a hangover again anytime soon. :-)

Natalie said...

that sounds really nice. I rarely have time alone anymore and I miss it a little. Not enough to kick tony out of the house though cause it is much better with him there. I have to wake up on the weekends if I want me time. I don't wake up on weekends.

Odat said...

If I could I would be up in the middle of the night because I too like the way it feels. It's just a knowing that all is quiet and calm and peaceful.

Peace

Odat said...

P.S. I know you're in another time zone...but is it another month zone there too? lol Only because I just noticed that the comments posted here are dated 3/11/06 and 4/11/06. Is there a reason for that?
Peace

Lizza said...

Natalie: Having a bit of me time is nice...worth waking up on weekends for. :-)

Odat: Yes, the peace and quiet can be addictive. You should try it sometime. :-)

The comment date format is day/month/year. Haha, sorry for the confusion.

R2K said...

: )