Thursday, September 13, 2007


It's been said that there are two certainties in life: death and taxes.

I think whoever said that should've also mentioned lists. Is there anyone who does not make a list of something at least once a week? TV shows or movies to watch, blogs to read, food to eat (or avoid), books to buy, bills to pay, things to buy at the supermarket. A list doesn't even have to be written down; lots of times they're just in our minds.

And who's to say they didn't exist even in the minds of Prehistoric Man?

Things to do today:
1. Set out with other cavemen to hunt woolly mammoth.
2. Kill woolly mammoth.
3. Divide spoils of killed woolly mammoth with co-hunters.
4. Bring share of woolly mammoth home to hearth.
5. Exhibit manliness thrustingly to hearth mate with no preliminaries.

Of course, it could've worked both ways. The Prehistoric Woman of the Hearth could've had her own list for the day in mind:
1. Prepare hunting-man's breakfast and meal that he can bring along to the hunt.
2. Bathe and feed children of the hearth.
3. Dry herbs and other plants for winter.
4. Make winter/summer/fall/spring/summer clothing for hearth's hunting-man and children.
5. Bring hunting-man's spoils into the hearth; cure leather, preserve what needs to be preserved.
6. Heat hunting-man's dinner (no microwave ovens then, alas!).
7. Make praising noises as hunting-man recounds his hunting exploits.
8. Clean auroch-bone eating implements that hunting-man used during dinner.
9. Stoke the hearth's main fire since hunting-man seems to be too exhausted from hunting to do it.
10. Quell questions about hunting-man's allegations about exhaustion while accommodating his "request" for oral affection in the bed furs, since he's too tired for anything else (e.g., preliminaries for her benefit)
11. Make loud grunting noises to make hunting-man feel he's great at something aside from hunting woolly mammoths, while praying to the Earth/Sky/Water/Fire goddesses and all heavenly dieties past and present that hunting-man would reach the heavenly hunting grounds as soon as possible so she can go to sleep
12. Clean her teeth with twigs and mint with hunting-man snoring in the bed furs in the background. And try to ignore the fact that he didn't use his twigs and mint before he went to sleep.

Fictional scenario, of course.

Let's move on to modern lists, cyber-age lists, lists that make you wonder how the powers that be gathered their data, lists that encompass the whole of Planet Earth.

Congratulations to my UK blog buddies. DaddyP, GlamourPuss, GhostRose, Aunty Helpful Dictator, Donna, Yaxlich. You guys hardly let on that you're living in a nation that's rocka-rocka spectacular. (My country's in the top five, hee hee!)

Best wishes to Sanni, who'll be moving from Germany to London. Maybe little Luis will have a brother or sister soon. ;-) And for those who'll be leaving or have left the UK, hope you don't forget to bring the nookie with ya!

Oh, and Penfold gets special mention because of a subtle remark possibly implying he's well-endowed. Of course it's entirely possible that I inferred mistakenly. He's from England, but he lives in Portugal. (Both countries rate an "A" though, for spectacular sex. How cool is that?)

Hmmm, I don't have any blog buddies from Poland and Romania, two of the countries in the list's top five. Maybe I'll go look for some. Just for cultural information exchange purposes, you understand.

P.S. Dunno how and where they got their figures. Results may not be agreeable to everyone. Who the heck cares. :-) This is just for fun. Not slighting anybody here.


Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

I'm moving tomorrow. Maybe tonight... Is it a long swim?

Photo Cache said...

Italians got F? Thought the Italians are HOT?

ian said...

Ok, so I've got a B. But it's a high B...and I do lots of extra credit work, and I've aced all my oral exams. I'll earn us all an A if I get half a chance to do so. Ladies...start reserving your spots now. I expect my class schedule to swell pretty fast. :P


Paula the Surf Mom said...

Poland? no way....

Turnbaby said...

I've done a little field research in this area. Hmmmmm

Maybe you have to actually BE in the UK---it didn't trasnlate here ;-)

I can vouch for A+ grades for the US and um.. well.... Brazil actually Hehehe

And Ian--if we combine forces in a study group we might bring our grade up ;-0

eastcoastdweller said...

Lizza, You are a riot! Funny, funny, funny! Loved the twigs and mint line!

masgblog said...

and Canada only got a 'C' eh? Pity.

Travis said...

I've also done extensive research in this area. I believe the polling sample in the US left out those of us in the pacific northwest.

We are stupendously spectacular, and routinely set off fireworks.


Burton said...

I knew I've been wanting to visit London for a reason.

Nice and funny post for me to close out my day (because for me it's still Wednesday -- at least in that I haven't gone to sleep yet).

Long time, no comment. Sorry for my absence. Theatre will do that to a man. Glad to be catching up.

H said...

The fact that such a list exists is spectacular in itself.

Though I'm not sure about India's ranking. i mean, I AM in India too right? So, like, WHERE EXACTLY did they get their data from? Oh, AND, it's for something called 'men's health'! More like a list of BEST LIARS ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES.

Nice little psycho-profiling there.

DaddyP said...

Sorry everyone - it's a misprint - should read 'Where the Sex is a Spectacle'.
Thank you anyway Lizza:
1 For deflating my ego
2 For inflating my ego
3 For making me spend hours leaving a comment
4 For reinforcing my psychotic need to make lists
5 For making me think 'Is Penfold bi-sexual as he lives in two countries?'
6 For making me late ....... byeee

Lizza said...

Bud: Start swimming! It's a long way from there to Europe or Asia.

Photo: That caught me by surprise too.

Ian: You aced all your oral exams? Oooooo...

Paula: Is there something about Poland you want to share? ;-)

Turnbaby: Brazil eh? If you and Ian combine study groups you'll shoot the US to the top of the list!

EDC: Primitive toothbrush, haha. I had a lot of fun with this one. Thanks!

masgblog: Maybe they should do another study. Thanks for dropping by.

Travis: Oh wow. Add your study group to Ian's and Turnbaby's. Combine your sexpertise.

Burton: Is London calling? Glad to see you here again. Good luck with the play, and hope you get some R&R soon.

H: Haha! Oh, dear H. I'm not surprised India's in the list. The land of the Kama Sutra.

DaddyP: Your ego seems to be full of stretch marks. And for the record, I did not imply that Penfold's bisexual!

DaddyP said...

He could be though.

Glamourpuss said...

I think those statistics are based on the night I snogged the Polish receptionist at the office Christmas party.


Lizza said...

DaddyP: Let's wait for confirmation.

Puss: You're an international snogger. Cool.

Sanni said...

Jumping from 11. to 1.? That´s definitely a winner *LOL*

Did anyone else notice Prehistoric Woman of the Hearth´s list was much longer?! Looks familiar to me =)

Odat said...

Those prehistoric men and women must have had a hard time writing those lists, huh, being they had to chisel them into a rock!

I think I'm going to move too!


Bond said...

Looking at the list of countries... hummmmm an F in Italy? What is up with that? Or is that the problem and it does not go up?
I would like to say that I think the B for the US was a result of the underlying jealousy the men of the world have for us since we have some of the most gorgeous women here (well here and the Philippines....and Germany- soon to be UK) =]

Christy said...

Darn Italy.

It's because old school Italian Mom's treat their boys like kings. They grow up thinking sex is all about their needs.

Clearly only women filled out the survey.

And Italian men failed.

Bond said...

And we can't forget Canada...though they seem to come south for their men! LOL

Mimi Lenox said...

Mims is not amused. She is stuck here in the southern tip of the US of A with a B.

I do not believe the last one. I dated an Italian for awhile. I think that F stands for something else.

(I can't believe I said that. That's what happens when you spend too many nights waiting for Prince Charming to knock on the castle door.)


H said...

Well, if only people read it. I think now more non-indians now know what's between those covers than Indians do. Me included. [I've just read some bizarre stuff about rat nibbles].

lizza said...

Sanni: The men will never notice. ;-)

Odat: That's why they were so strong: they had to carry those stone lists around with them. NYC will be less bright if you leave...

Bond: I think you're on the right track here.

Christy: Ohhh, perhaps. Thanks for the insight, and thanks for visiting! I've taken a peek at your sites and will be back for more. You are one prolific blogger!

Mims!: *Gasp!* Go wash your keyboard with soap and water, missy!

Let's see. Is the castle door unlocked? Did you put out the welcome mat? Is the moat piranha-free?

H: I haven't read it. But a friend bought me home an abridged, illustrated edition when she came from visiting India. And a lovely pashmina shawl, which I still haven't had the occasion to use.

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

Hi Lizza... delayed reaction and possibly pedantic, definitely republican... I don't live in the UK! Proud enough to say I'm a citizen of the Republic of Ireland... not under British rule since 1922! Unfortunately that leaves me off the spectacular sex list....

They can take our sex live but they'll never take our freedom... oh wait that was Scotland!

They can take our sex lives, but we retain the right to be ruled by an entirely home-grown set of evil bastards! That's more like it!

Witness Street said...

Is it really that disappointing in Italy? Goodness, even South Africa ranked ahead of 'em. And where's France?

And that is why - one NEVER leaves the Philippines. Eh?

Sidney said...

The best lovers are fellow nationals, or at least, that’s what one in three Americans and Europeans believe. By far the most confident are the Greeks and 77 per cent rated their own country top in matters of sex. The exceptions to this are the Belgians, Germans and Dutch who assume that it is not those in their own countries but rather Italians who make the best lovers. These are the findings of a 20-country survey of sexual attitudes in Europe and the USA carried out by GfK Custom Research Worldwide commissioned by the Wall Street Journal Europe in spring this year.

When it comes to sex, patriotism is the order of the day among men and women. 34 per cent of Europeans and 25 per cent of Americans are convinced that the best lovers can be found in their own country.

Lizza said...

Aunty: You've got your independence, your nationalism...who the hell needs out-of-this-world sex? (ahem)

Thanks for the correction!

Sidney: My, my. That was enlightening, thanks! So you guys are humble too. ;-)